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The Fears Of A Soon To Be Husband

A young man I am now, a husband I hope to become

In hopes that I can teach my Son or Daughter lessons from the wrongs I’ve done

Teaching my Son that its better to learn from the experience of others

Its good to want to love a woman but first you have to love your Mother

To my daughters I hope to teach them to guard their hearts

To think of themselves as beautiful women because God creates works of art

Never let a man give your womanhood its worth.

Know that when you plan on having sex, consider also a child potential being birthed

I hope to teach my Sons lessons I’ve learned thru my parents marriage

That sometimes love isn’t always about the horse or the carriage

But its about being able to love the one your with even when its hard

Being willing to let your love heal emotionally scars

That being a man consists of responsibilities

Being a protector and a provider as well as other unseen duties

But most importantly I hope to teach my kids about the God that exists

And also teach of about the temptations of the devil in which they must resists

With all this being said, I too have fears

Fears that at times seem too much to bare

Filled with doubts and whats ifs about this idea of a good husband

Like what if I’m not able to be man enough to be one

Its easy to teach others but to follow your own teachings isn’t

Because truth be told truth is easier spoken than it is to actually live it

Its hard not to let the failed relationships and marriages around me affect me

I can love my wife to death but would I still give her reason to say “He neglected me”?

I’ve always said I’ll be a better husband than my dad was to my mother

But will I overlook the small stuff like occasionally telling my wife I love her?

Will I be more consumed  with my life than the life of my wife?

Will I love my wife so much that I’m actually giving her time I should be giving to Christ?

Instead of being the provider will I be the one she provides for?

Instead of protecting me with truth, will I be the one she’ll have to lie for?

Will I know how to sacrifice for the betterment of our marriage?

Or will the stress of the marriage be more than I thought I could manage?

I’ve always said I’d never end up in a divorce

But will my wife want a divorce because I found myself sleeping with women of all sorts?

Some may say questions like these shouldn’t be asked.

Well why do you think marriages today don’t last?

Because thoughts like these somehow were overlooked or never questions.

Or no one thought long enough to know that questions like these are just an suggestion

Of what should go through the mind of a man wanting to marry one day.

Truthfully I hope I can marry and make my wife and my life really happy some day.

And give to her what my mother never received from my dad

Fill her memories and her thoughts of us being happy instead of sad

These are just some of the thought that has been in my head lately

God willing I won’t have to say “I’ll make a good husband” and consider the word maybe

Allow me to reintroduce myself.....lol.

Well its been quite a long time since I visited my own blog. Shame? I know, but truthfully I've had a lot to blog about but just haven't. Don't ask me why because I wouldn't have an answer for you.

The reason I decided to take up blogging again is I've been known to be a talker and alot of times the things I would say that I felt needed to be heard got muffled by my ramblings. Plus I've always been a thinker but lately thoughts have been plaguing my mind to the point where my brain feels it has reached it maximum capacity. lol So I decided what better outlet than a blog to let them run free.

Thoughts shared on this blog are thoughts that I would rarely share in person, but they are guaranteed to be either thought provoking, encouraging or random humor. I promise to be transparent and honest in hopes of giving a glimpse inside myself and even into yourself. Until the next blog, remember....................Live, learn, laugh and love. Peace.

I'm sorry Poetry

For the better part of myself I'd considered myself a poet. Never did I think I'd have that gift but yet it was bestowed on me. At time when I would read my own pieces to myself, they would bless me as if I was reading someone elses work. I always love being able to bless or touch some else with my poems. Most of the time when someone would read it, it would be online or I would email it to a friend. Never have I actually remembered one of my poems and recited it in person. Not because I didn't want to but I just never been able to actually remember an entire poem I've written. The furthest I got to remembering one is the first few lines. I have done a few spoken word pieces in person......contradiction? lol Not really. Most of the time I've done poems at various events, I'd come up with the words on the spot. In the beginning when i started doing this, I was like "Man, forget writing!" lol Dumb? yes. Truthfully I felt good that I could come up with words to say as a poet on the spot. Words didn't always rhymed, but I tried to stay on topic and conveyed a certain thought or feeling I had.


Eventually though, it started to get to me. Even though I would have people coming up to me saying "You did an awesome job" and "You inspired me", inside I knew sometimes people were saying that just to give me encouragement but they knew it wasnt that great. The more I did it the more I walked off stage shaking my head at myself like "I shouldve remembered one of my poems. Personally speaking due to my speech impediment I would prefer to have others read my poems rather than actually recite them. I know that I am gifted and I know that If I compared my written pieces to the ones I've came with on the spot.....my written pieces would win by a landslide.

Me writing this came from last night at an event I have the privilege of doing a spoken word piece at. I did a piece on Men in todays world, and as you may have already guessed, I came up with it on the spot, but I think last night was the braking point for me. I left heavy hearted and questioning myself as a poet. I have been blessed to be surrounded by many people with many gifts and talents and anytime I would see any of them showcase their gift, it would blessed/uplift me and I would be proud to know them. But I think its often the other way around when it comes to me and them viewing me as a poet. Not that i care for anyone to say "Your a good poet" but just to be acknowledged at being good at something. They do acknowledge and tell me that they are bless when they read my pieces when there online or when I email to them, I just think I let them down as well as myself and most of all God who has given me this gift. I even taint the very label of what it is to be a poet and the poets who actually take their craft serious.

Today I'm just been reflecting on myself as a poet and even me as an individual. I really don't look at poetry as something I do but something that makes me.....me. I've considered stop writing because I would rather not write instead of me continuing to be a write/make up a poem on the spot poet, but I just can't see myself not writing. Its truly what I love even tho I at times don't take it as serious as I should. It came to my mind even today that what if one of those times I came up with a poem on the spot.....there was someone at that particular event that needed to hear a poem that I had written because it could potentially change there life but I refused because I felt remembering one of my poems seemed impossible for me. Just that mere thought makes me feel even worse.

Poetry has been good too me, too good yet I haven't been as good to her as I should have been. I've always wanted to be one that spoke wisdom and help enlighten folks and I've been fortunate enough to have this outlet to do just that. This is just my public way of saying sorry to all Poets and anyone involved in any kind of artistic expression. And also to applaud you for taking your craft serious and being willing to let God use you to impact the lives of others. Don't really know where I am as a poet but I hope and will continue to strive to be the best poet God would want me to be. I know its not going to be easy because as I said before, I've been doing this "on the spot" thing for a while but I just ask that you all keep me in your prayers as a poet and as a person.

Thought of the day

There some fight that ain't worth fighting even if you win but there are other fights worth fighting even if you lose.

Untitled

Love is near yet seems so distant
Self love is present, still something is missing
A void of someone I've yet to meet
Feelings are something I tend to hide,
but this is hard to keep discreet
Never fell in love, just stumbled into it
To find that someone seems impossible, but I refuse to quit
Till I find my missing Rib, the Eve to this Adam
The Bonnie to this Clyde, the Jasmine to this Aladdin
I've shared my likes with many but haven't share my love yet
Been to the beach with friends, but haven't found one to share the view of the sunset
As time continues to tick and tock, this search continues
Hopefully I'll be able to bless my eyes with the sight of you