For the better part of myself I'd considered myself a poet. Never did I think I'd have that gift but yet it was bestowed on me. At time when I would read my own pieces to myself, they would bless me as if I was reading someone elses work. I always love being able to bless or touch some else with my poems. Most of the time when someone would read it, it would be online or I would email it to a friend. Never have I actually remembered one of my poems and recited it in person. Not because I didn't want to but I just never been able to actually remember an entire poem I've written. The furthest I got to remembering one is the first few lines. I have done a few spoken word pieces in person......contradiction? lol Not really. Most of the time I've done poems at various events, I'd come up with the words on the spot. In the beginning when i started doing this, I was like "Man, forget writing!" lol Dumb? yes. Truthfully I felt good that I could come up with words to say as a poet on the spot. Words didn't always rhymed, but I tried to stay on topic and conveyed a certain thought or feeling I had.
Eventually though, it started to get to me. Even though I would have people coming up to me saying "You did an awesome job" and "You inspired me", inside I knew sometimes people were saying that just to give me encouragement but they knew it wasnt that great. The more I did it the more I walked off stage shaking my head at myself like "I shouldve remembered one of my poems. Personally speaking due to my speech impediment I would prefer to have others read my poems rather than actually recite them. I know that I am gifted and I know that If I compared my written pieces to the ones I've came with on the spot.....my written pieces would win by a landslide.
Me writing this came from last night at an event I have the privilege of doing a spoken word piece at. I did a piece on Men in todays world, and as you may have already guessed, I came up with it on the spot, but I think last night was the braking point for me. I left heavy hearted and questioning myself as a poet. I have been blessed to be surrounded by many people with many gifts and talents and anytime I would see any of them showcase their gift, it would blessed/uplift me and I would be proud to know them. But I think its often the other way around when it comes to me and them viewing me as a poet. Not that i care for anyone to say "Your a good poet" but just to be acknowledged at being good at something. They do acknowledge and tell me that they are bless when they read my pieces when there online or when I email to them, I just think I let them down as well as myself and most of all God who has given me this gift. I even taint the very label of what it is to be a poet and the poets who actually take their craft serious.
Today I'm just been reflecting on myself as a poet and even me as an individual. I really don't look at poetry as something I do but something that makes me.....me. I've considered stop writing because I would rather not write instead of me continuing to be a write/make up a poem on the spot poet, but I just can't see myself not writing. Its truly what I love even tho I at times don't take it as serious as I should. It came to my mind even today that what if one of those times I came up with a poem on the spot.....there was someone at that particular event that needed to hear a poem that I had written because it could potentially change there life but I refused because I felt remembering one of my poems seemed impossible for me. Just that mere thought makes me feel even worse.
Poetry has been good too me, too good yet I haven't been as good to her as I should have been. I've always wanted to be one that spoke wisdom and help enlighten folks and I've been fortunate enough to have this outlet to do just that. This is just my public way of saying sorry to all Poets and anyone involved in any kind of artistic expression. And also to applaud you for taking your craft serious and being willing to let God use you to impact the lives of others. Don't really know where I am as a poet but I hope and will continue to strive to be the best poet God would want me to be. I know its not going to be easy because as I said before, I've been doing this "on the spot" thing for a while but I just ask that you all keep me in your prayers as a poet and as a person.
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