"Untitled" Very Personal....Me Being Transparent

I’ve dealt with pornography, with pornography
At times its been hard for me to sing “It’s the God in me”
I was putting a lot in me that was not in me
Forgetting that God is the one who lives in me
So many times I’ve said God forgive me
Do away with all that you don’t want in me
Looking at things I shouldn’t be looking at
Make me ashamed even now whenever I look back
I didn’t know what I was opening myself up to
Committing sin looking at sin, how can I say “I love you”
I look up to you knowing you probably looking down on me
Filled with guilt, I didn’t even want to be around me
I’ve done things I wouldn’t want to utter
To my friends my father not even my mother
I’ve looked at things that my mind finds it hard forget
“What happened to letting God order my footsteps”
I asked myself. How did I let it get this far
I no longer know who I am, Lord do I know who you are?
Wish I could take it all back, every last sin
“Why don’t you take my life” is what I would ask him
I’m only human……no longer is that a good excuse
Wishing this stronghold of porn would let me loose
Or am I the one holding on of what I want to be loose of
I felt like Oj, and my spirit was Anna, I need a new glove
Christ was crucified so that I may live righteous
Yet porn was the reason my spirit felt lifeless
God is this my test? Is this my battle?
This serpent is wrapped around me, I can hear his rattle
God must be mourning because his Sons went astray
God give me life but I doubt he gave me it to live it this way
So many times, I’ve prayed the same prayer
Saying Father God, I know you’re my Lord and savior
I’m broken inside, I need your superglue
Forgiven is the reason I come to you
Rescue me from me and deliver me to you
I put myself in this, how can I blame you?
Seeing me being consumed with lust probably pains you
You sent your son to be slain, it seems like I want to slain him too
How can I live a sinful life yet still represent you and your Sons name too
In secret I’m at war internally and I feel like I’m losing
The more I fight, the more my spirit is taking a bruising
I know I’m not the only one that has dealt with this
Nor am I the only one that has heard the serpents hiss
But I will not give up on this or any other wars I fight
I am not fighting this war for myself, but I’m fighting it for Christ
He died for me so I shall not let his death be in vain
Nor will I let my past or present add any shame to my name
I have nothing to lose but I have everything to gain
Wars and battles comes with joy and pain
God allow me to stand strong no matter how long
Let me fight till the fat lady sings her last song
Even in my darkest hour, let me not fear calling on you
If I fall, let me not fall in sin but let me fall on you
Let me die daily and crucify my flesh
And constantly remind myself to let you order my footsteps